heya*loverly

Seriously

Dudes, I’m 5’10”. 5’9” and under need not apply.

Things found in my purse

I found the following while cleaning out my purse:

• Phone
• Camera
• Ipod case without Ipod in it
• Ipod
• Taser
• Two tubes of red lipstick
• Chapstick
• Lipgloss
• Mace
• Boxcutter
• Two bracelets
• Ring
• Checkbook
• Bottle of Nailpolish
• Moleskine
• Wallet

You know when people have those moments where they’re like, “Ahh, I’m just like my mom”? Yep, but with more weaponry.

“Do you like cream in your coffee?”

britticisms:

One time, a man tried to impress me with his collection of rap records and I felt very whatever, because he obviously didn’t listen when I told him what type of music I was most familiar with, and he soon realized this and then he changed the subject.

One time, a man said, “I’ve always wanted to date a…” and then he didn’t complete his sentence, and so I asked, “Date a what?” and then he changed the subject.

One time, a man said, “Black women are intimidating,” and I asked, “Like how?” and then he said, “I don’t know.”

One time, a man tried to run his fingers through my hair and I said, “No,” and he asked, “Why?” and I sighed, and said, “I have to go,” because I really didn’t want to explain why.

One time, a man asked me to hang out with his friends in Englewood, and I said, “That’s not…um…the best neighborhood to be in that late at night,” and he said, “Why does it matter to you? Your black!” and when we were breaking up over the phone a couple of weeks later, and he asked me why, one of the reasons I gave was, “I lived in the hood. I don’t make it a point of trying to go back there.”

One time, a man said, “White girls just aren’t thick like Black girls are!” and I rolled my eyes.

One time, a man said, “You’re so bourgie!” and I was confused, because I thought society retired that slang in the earlier part of this decade.

One time, a man said, “Do you like cream in your coffee?” and another man asked, “Can I get a taste of your chocolate?” and another man said, “I wonder if you’re as sweet as a caramel,” and I mean, really? Seriously? Stop!

A lot of times, men have said, “You’re pretty for a black girl.”

Oh my shit, yes. With the exception of someone trying to take me to the hood, I have experienced every single one of these.

Writing the last paper of my undergraduate career. The topic? VAGINA DENTATAAAA!

Yes, the phrase must always be yelled.